Useless epiphany

During vacation in Florida with my grandparents I came to a realization. I’ve made fun of people who wait for things to happen, for other people to change their lives for them, and who become to dependent on their boyfriends or girlfriends. I’ve been know to say that people after their teenage years do not change. Our personalities pretty much stay the same throughout their life. And it is partly true. I will not change for my own good, time has proven that. I’ve been single for a long time now and I haven’t changed one bit. I have gotten too comfortable in my loneliness. I am way to fearful and selfish to change for my own good. I am not willing to put myself through the emotional pain and rejection that comes with becoming a more assertive and outward person. In a sad way its in my self interest to stay the same. While I am missing out on a lot of things in life, I am also avoiding a lot emotional suffering. Avoiding pain is higher in priority than becoming better. In order to change I need to find a person who makes me want to become a better person. Someone who I care for as much as I do myself. I am willing to change for her, because she is willing to make me forget about myself and just “do it”. I’m stuck though because my shyness prevents me from meeting and connecting with other people out there. But at least is good to know that I don’t have to wait to expect myself to one day want to change.